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|Thursday, August 9th, 2007|
Witty Wednesday.. a day late
It's a day late, but at least I'm posting! :P
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected. Current Mood: amused
|Wednesday, August 1st, 2007|
I was looking through my friends page and saw the last entry in here, and it reminded me of a joke I got in an email the other day. I figured I would go ahead and post it here, since the moderator wants us to participate more. - Holly
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose in to other people's business. Several members did not approve of her "extra-curricular" activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.
He didn't explain, defend, or deny... he said nothing. Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house...walked home...and left it there all night!!!
The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.
At once, they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave." The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked." Holding up the bucket, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast!
|Friday, July 27th, 2007|
1. What did you learn in kindergarten that still effects your life today?
2. What was the name of that song, the one you just couldn't stand, the one you changed the radio station everytime it came on?
3. What comes to your mind when you think of oxymoron?
4. When was the last time you went to a community event and what was it?
5. Have you ever tied string around your finger to remember to do something?
|Wednesday, July 18th, 2007|
"The Obedient Wife"
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife... "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, he can spend it." Current Mood: amused
|Friday, May 18th, 2007|
1. What kinds of plants are your favourites to see in a garden?
2. What is the strongest craving you get?
3. If you could have the ORIGINAL of anything, what would it be?
4. What do you have cluttering your life that you could easily give away?
5. And on a similar note, what do you need at this moment to improve your life?
|Wednesday, May 16th, 2007|
Hope that everyone's having a good week. Here's a "dirty" joke! ~Nadine (moderator)
The new supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
...I don't buy toilet paper there any more...
|Wednesday, May 9th, 2007|
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!
The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?" The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?" From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Dominos."
Can anyone say, "D'oh!" Hehe.
Current Mood: amused
|Sunday, May 6th, 2007|
Some of you are probably recovering from some rockin' Cinco de Mayo festivities. With that in mind, I thought it would be fun for people to submit their favorite or funniest party pictures (from any party you've been to).
|Friday, May 4th, 2007|
Whoa.. some activity in this group. Wtf, mate.
1. What is your favourite type of omelet?
2. What song gets stuck in your head?
3. If you could be in a circus act, which would you choose?
4. What is your usual response when someone asks, "How are you?"
5. How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
Current Mood: amused
|Friday, February 16th, 2007|
I've obviously been slacking in the community..
.. let's try to change that, shall we?
Since it's Presidents Day weekend, how about a themed
1. Who is/was your favourite US president?
2. Are you a registered voter?
3. Do you like to hit up the big Prez Day sales at the mall/wherever?
4. What do you like best about any 3-day weekend?
5. Do you have any special plans for this weekend?
*As always, explanations are encouraged. Current Mood: pensive
|Wednesday, February 14th, 2007|
Summer Classes for Men
SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, May 10, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday Noon for 2 hours.
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor.
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM; Location to be determined.
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
4 weeks, Saturday Noon, 2 hours.
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion.
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours ! Beginning at 7:00 PM.
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors. Current Mood: amused
|Saturday, December 2nd, 2006|
New artist needs your help!
Hi everyone -
I'm trying to generate interest in my new musical project. I'm releasing an album in March with sort of a rock/progressive rock tint to it, and I would love it if you guys checked out what I'm doing. The first 100 people who sign up on my email list will receive a complimentary copy of the CD when it's released. You can check out the music and sign up on the mailing list at http://www.theopenexperience.com
Alternatively, you can check out my MySpace site at http://www.myspace.com/theopenexperience
Thanks in advance for your support...
David Current Mood: artistic
|Tuesday, November 21st, 2006|
Question of the Day
As the holiday season gets underway..
What do you find yourself thankful for this year?
|Sunday, September 10th, 2006|
Oddly enough, by using an LJ meme, I was able to create a collage depicting the interests of this community. It's been auto-cut, to enhance your web-browsing experience.( My Interests Collage!Collapse ) Current Mood: creative
|Thursday, September 7th, 2006|
Food for Thought Thursday
An old friend of mine posted this on her page:
Friends Without Faces
We sit and we type and we stare at our screens,
We can't help but wonder what all of this means.
With mouse in hand...we roam through this maze,
On an infinite search...lost in a daze.
We chat with each other, we type all our woes.
At times we'll band together to gang up on our foes.
We wait for somebody, to type out our name...
we want recognition, but it is always the same.
Soon friendships are formed - but - why we don't know,
But some of these friendships, will flourish and grow.
We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes we'll flirt,
In IMs we chat deeply, and reveal why we hurt.
Why is it on screen, we are so easily bold,
Telling our secrets, that have never been told.
The answer is simple, it is as clear as a bell,
We all have our problems, and need someone to tell.
We can't tell real people, but tell someone we must,
so we turn to our 'puters...and to those we can trust.
Even though it sounds crazy...the truth still remains,
most of my "friends" have no faces...and odd little names. Current Mood: tired
|Friday, September 1st, 2006|
I haven't posted this in a while.. let's do some extras!
1. What was the last party game you played?
2. Where in your body do you feel stress the most?
3. TGIF -- What's it mean to you?
4. What are your three favourite spices?
5. Do you think flu vaccinations are a help or a hindrance? Why?
6. Which part of your home is your favourite?
7. What is your favourite sandwich?
8. The last handmade gift you gave or received was..?
9. Is there really justice in America or does the dollar speak louder?
10. What are your thoughts on alien abductions?
|Wednesday, August 30th, 2006|
~TAMPONS AND CIGGARETTES~
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own.......... so does she."
|Saturday, August 26th, 2006|
21 great ways to live happy!
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. (You can be blessed in any religion)
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: R espect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
|Thursday, August 17th, 2006|
State of Arkansas Residency Application
(Check appropriate box)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size ____ Left ____ Right
(_) Hair Dresser
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______
Father's Name: _______(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home?
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
Model and year of your pickup: ______ 194_
Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No; please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
Color of teeth:
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
How far is your home from a paved road?
Please fill this out and put it in the little box thing at the end of your driveway/road that has the same numbers as your trailer on it.